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Why wait to voice concerns, this shit happening a lot around here......

 I guess its time for me to disclose the amount of pain that from this town I've sown.  I know the torment from the fear that creeps behind while walking into the darkness of this town any time of night.  I shivered within a string of life to me & it seems something of that, of what death would feel like, as it seeped the last breathe from you soul.  I woke up unable to move my head. I couldn't comprehend why I was so incapable.  It was because of the extreme pain in my neck and this is 


when I started sweating the clogged, groggy, flashes of memories hit me like a tun of bricks & questions of what had just happened filled my mind? I started to get rally scared as this eerie feeling of fret and unwanted poundings of sex came to grow a distressing truth to have to live. Unable to comprehend or move, or try to even begin to understand what was the matter.  I sat up by holding my head with both hands, otherwise I could sit up at all.  I sat there in a daze, so lethargic and drugged I couldn't relate what I was feeling, where I had been and didn't no how long I was a sleep or what had just happened.  All I knew is that I was uncomfortable, with the feelings of tare and dangerous glares.  I couldn't stand up and wasn't even aware of the date or time. It was just a short time before this, while wide awake and with good friends, i was happy and care free with out a scare of the world. That changed quickly after I was lured up to the house of hell,  where the only leverage he had was selling me a car - for yard and garden work that needed done.

 At least that his roommates mother needed done. Oh I couldn't wait to be able to drive to see my son and to pick up my daughter for some girl fun.  the feeling of Luck and fortune I usually don't get life to me has never been fair. Such a shock to think back now able to see &  to remember the events of the night, not very well, at first. Kinda felt like a nightmare but if only it was.  I remember how it was  about twenty minutes after two a.m, after I was picked up by a man, I though I knew but couldn't tell that this man was not a stranger nor was he a friend but a danger of a family i was friends with up until. I was never let in on any inclination  that going with him would be harmful to my health.  Knowing him as more than an acquaintances, I would have never known I would have been almost put to death by his hands.  I was a loving, bright and beautiful mind, who was gracious, giving and all way to trusting.  Living in Kelso / Longview all my life, I would have never expected that I would be a victim of such a fallacious crime.  But the look in his eyes haunt me throughout the nights since then and the consequences of his actions have me reliving the nightmare again and again............ 

 Being Raped 1st degree-2nd degree, incident exposure, molestation, all violations of another innocents soul.  That is something you can never replace or mend back whole.  Being taken by force, drugged and sexually assaulted not by choice but by force, leaves you feeling so empty and untrusting that all of a sudden everybody you have known and even those since a child you've grown up with are strangers, who may to be able to desecrate you from any angle. My life has never been the same since and I seriously doubt I will ever be able to love as freely as I had, nor walk down the street nor understand, why I had deserved to be taken in such a violent and sickening way, if I could only ask him.  I wonder what he would say.  I am sickened from this toll and my children and my family have also suffered.  I just hope that he understands that with every bad choice there is a reaction and mine was to make sure he can never rape again.    I can remember awaking to him trying to go down and screamed no, don't stop as I attempted to push away his hand, I passed back out for who knows how long, as I was dreaming of choking, i come to again just to realize Im being smothered by the pressure of his hand on my neck,    as he holds all his body weight off me. His body was on top of mine, as he was accomplishing his sick twisted plan.  I don't know if I was suppose to wake up, I know I wasn't suppose to remember, I remember the look in his eyes now very clearly.. They bulged out of his head and were pressurized with blood pressure as I could see the veins pulsate out side of his blood shot eye's.   I don't think that anyone really considers the feeling of fright you are left with after a assault like mine.   

 People are so self centered that I have really been through it since I went through this traumatic experience and have know been deemed disabled, as to I will never be able to recover fully from the Post Traumatic Stress and Paranoia I live with as my reality.  This is the ultimate saddest rigidity, yes that last post of incapacitated rape was about me and the man that did this is still free.    When I read this post, I think of Molly and wonder if she experienced the same feeling of hallow...  

MISSING

Authorities continue search for vanished locals

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Courtesy of Lewis County Sheriff’s Office

Lewis County Sheriff’s Deputy Tim English scours a property on Ferrier Road in Winlock earlier this month. Authorities said they received several tips that Chehalis resident Kayla Croft-Payne, who vanished in April 2010 at age 17, may have been buried in or thrown down a well on the property. After a 16-hour search, detectives found nothing but trash and a dog carcass.

May 25, 2013 8:30 pm  •  By Natalie St. John / nstjohn@tdn.com

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A 27-year-old mother planned to play a game of pool before she picked up her 14-month-old son.

A 36-year-old woman told her husband she felt like taking a drive alone with her Rottweiler.

A 22-year-old woman in the last stages of a tough pregnancy left for Portland to shop for baby clothes with her estranged husband and three-year-old daughter.

A 17-year-old girl with an infant daughter and dreams of a modeling career set out to party with friends.

None of them ever made it home.

In Washington state, more than 400 people are considered to be missing persons. About 12 of those men, women, and children live in the Lower Columbia region. Months, years, and even decades after their disappearances, their loved ones still struggle daily to find a balance between hope and despair, reason and optimism.

When three long-missing women were discovered imprisoned in an Ohio home earlier this month, many families of missing persons felt a jolt of hope that their loved ones might still be living, too. But that kind of thinking can feel a little dangerous, said Brenda Rismoen, whose close friend Kelly Sims vanished in 1990.

“You never give up hope. But you don’t want to get your hopes up too much,” explained Rismoen, 50, of Longview.

Despite a case that has gone totally cold in the intervening years, Rismoen says she has never stopped thinking about her friend, or hoping for a break. Sims, a Kelso woman who never arrived to pick up her son from the babysitter’s, was not the type to abandon her child or leave without a trace, Rismoen said. She was last seen when she was dropped at the corner of Pacific Avenue and Allen Street to play pool at the Rendezvous Tavern.

“It has been so many years that you wonder, and you wonder. Did she suffer? I know she would not walk away. ... She’s got grandchildren she never got to meet. She missed weddings. She missed graduations. Her son took his first steps with me. His first word, ‘momma,’ was with me. It was unfair and selfish of whoever denied her those firsts,” Rismoen said.

There is reason for families to continue hoping — for closure at least. When 15-year-old Misty Dawn Thompson ran away from a Woodland foster home in 1993, there were few leads for most of a decade.

But about a year ago, Cowlitz County sheriff’s deputy Robert Stumph re-ignited the investigation when he located a man who had long been suspected of playing a role in her disappearance, CCSO spokesman Charlie Rosenzweig said Thursday. Since then, police have worked with the man, as well as INTERPOL agents, and believe that they may be able to determine what became of Misty.

“Here’s a case that’s 15 years old. Fifteen or 20 years later, they’re still getting leads,” Rosenzweig said, attributing these recent breaks to his colleagues’ continuing “Good old-fashioned elbow grease, hard pursuit.”

Karen Hinton knows too well how agonizing it can be to wait for a break like the one in Misty’s case. Her teenage niece Kayla Croft-Payne was last seen in a Toutle trailer park in April 2010. Hinton, a Portland resident, has been doing whatever she can to keep the search for Kayla alive ever since.

Before her disappearance, Kayla had fallen into a community of drug-users that spanned roughly from Tacoma to Longview. Because many of the people who could know what happened to Kayla have chaotic, drug-addled lives, the case has often been hindered by rumors, false leads, and a lack of information, Hinton said. Some people who associated with Kayla have speculated that she was killed. Others say she overdosed. But occasionally, people have hinted that she is being held against her will.

“Everything boils down to the Lewis County area, and things going wrong. We are just hopeful that soon we’ll find out one way or another,” Hinton said Thursday.

Hinton keeps going over the rumors again and again and tries to keep Kayla’s face in the minds of anyone who might be able to help. She said the investigation was re-energized recently, when the Lewis County Sheriff’s Office assigned Detective Danny Riordan to the case.

“I don’t think Kayla disappeared because she wanted to. I think something happened to Kayla,” said Riordan, who speaks with clear conviction about his desire to find Kayla.

Recently, Riordan has made a careful effort to systematically eliminate what he describes as “red herrings” — false leads.

His efforts have included using a warrant to search records on a website that connects aspiring models with photographers, and searching a Winlock property where a tipper said they might find her body. Investigators did not find any evidence that Kayla had been there, but it helped the case by narrowing down the list of recurring rumors, Riordan said.

Hinton and Riordan both find the lack of witnesses deeply frustrating.

“I’m 24-7. When it comes to this, my phone is on all the time. But people just aren’t coming forward on this for whatever reason,” Riordan said, adding that it’s especially pointless for a witness to stay quiet if it’s simply a matter of revealing where her body was left in the wake of an overdose.

“If that’s all it is, there’s not a crime. We need closure for the family,” Riordan said.

Hinton too, pleads with the witnesses to finally to tell the truth, even if it’s bad news.

“We just need people to stop being scared and come forward. It’s been three years. It’s been long enough,” Hinton said.

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   Miss Toni V - 20 hours ago

   Have you ever though we might have a Cowlitz County Killer among our streets or that these people may have been kidnapped and in slaved into the sex trafficking,that Shared Hope founded by Linda Smith had been talking about! We have a crisis going on in this state as well as the rest of America..... it's time we find the answers to where these people are, oh and what about Molly... Know one mentioned her, where did she disappear too?

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   Atrucker - 7 hours ago

   I would agree with the comment by miss Toni V. But I also know these women can be beaten , raped and drugged to keep them, doing what the captors want. Or We do have a serial killer down here . In these missing cases , more bad than good happens ..

Where are all the local missing people - who has answers!